Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Sunday, September 03, 2006

Its been a while

I wonder if anyone reads this crap, I dont care, its therapeutic. Anyways I just bought an IPOD, 30 gigs, holds 75000 songs. Dude I dont like 75 songs, Jessica Simpson dumb and hot, I think her dad is a homo. She has a bit of a giraffe look to her. Christina Ricci, now thats my girl. Dont sleep on that bitch.....its shower time, nowmean! I just watched the Matador yesterday and liked it very much, I was avoiding this movie for a while because fucking Remington Steele was in it, but he was good. I got to give him credit I even liked him in Mrs. Doubtfire. For those who know me know that I am very into dogs., but I have realized that I do not like some dog people. I have three dogs, but im not a kook, I went to an agility competition a couple of weeks ago, and these people were downright odd and a bit snotty, I was down there in the hopes of having these people sign a petition for offleash dog hours, these people did not want to be bothered, I told one lady to go fuck herself. There was a lot of mullet wearing lesbians there...till next time....would football fucking start already!

P.S. whoever right "dont pee on me" on my daughters potty seat is downright wrong man...

XL

Saturday, July 15, 2006



Yes I know you all have been anxiously waiting to see what does XL look like, well here I am. Yes I am a shit puppet a living breathing piece of shit. Im healthy though, nice brown coloring and solid! Many people probably would assume that I didnt derive from feces, but its true Im just a piece of shit....whats that smell?

XL

Monday, July 10, 2006

Oh no, not a case of the mondays

fuck you, I hate you and everyone else, fuck off scumbag, eat shit and die. Phew ok, got that out of system. The hardest part of life is getting started, once you get started its not so bad. I get this rush of anxiety just thinking about all the shit I have put off and needs to be done, yes its the mondays. On another note, I realized that it is possible to get morning breath at 8pm, as this was last Wednesday I did not say one word all day, did not open my mouth only to eat and realized at night that my breath smelled like I ate a grilled shit sanswich with mayo, somebody listerine me. While sheering myself a couple of weeks ago I cut open a skin tag on my shoulder and now it is the size of uganda...yes uganda....I bet you cant wait for the pic.

XL

Saturday, July 01, 2006

July, National White Trash Month!

Hee Haw! stars and stripes baby....sheeeeooot. I was sitting in my daughter's baby pool today with nothing but my drawers on, kinda like a black kid in rockaway beach. I had my parliaments, a slice a pizza, my wife, daughter and dogs. All I needed was a tall boy of bud and I would be set. Its the little things my friends, the little things.

XL

Thursday, June 29, 2006

finally not me

Many times in the past I would be walking down the street, lets say for example Roosevelt Ave, when a person walking toward me would start waiving or saying hi, assumedly to me. What I didnt notice is that there is another person walking directly behind me as well, like a schmuck Im saying hi to a person I dont even know yet am trying to be polite and not make the person feel bad. The asshole gives me a weird look and says, not you or some shit like that and directs his greeting to the correct person. Who is left feeling like 14 year old Poision groupie, me, just for being polite, fuck that Im waiting for someone to say hi to me first. If anyone reading this knows me now you know why I wont say hi first. I did have a chance of redemption today, I was greeting someone out of the elevator at my job and there was another person there as well. I said good morning to the person and this lady who I was not speaking to said hi in a cheerful way, "who the fuck is you bitch!" revenge, even if misdirected is certainly sweet.

XL

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Phuck Bloomberg Smoking is still the shit





Picutre this, its Thanksgiving night, football is over your about to OD on tryptophan and annoying relatives, what can take you away....a nice smoke. For me it would be a nice Parliament Menthol Light. Nothing like smoking in the fall seeing all the smoke come out of your mouth after having a party in your lungs...deep breath. When I see women smoking I think to my self "she must be into anal" its fucking cool, smoking its just cool. I started smoking at 14, to be cool. It was a landmark day for me when I finally inhaled. I stole a pack of my sisters Brights (some girl menthol cigarette) and tried my best to inhale...after about 5 or 6 cigs I did it, and from there its history. I started with your prototypical Marlboro Lights then ventures to Newports I then realized that I am not black and do not own puma sweats, so I went for the abstract cigarette TRUEs oh they were my first love, that cool filter, the soft pack, the fresh menthol taste. I then began to tire of my nicotine menthol mistress and saw a regal beauty staring me in my face, Parliaments...menthol lights...she was hard but so soft on the inside I have found my cancer love.

"Theres nothing like a smoke after a meal." (Vern, Stand By Me)

WHO AM THIS?

Im a 30 year old married working shlump living in the suburbs of Shaolin. I tend to enjoy locking my self in my room and buying DVD's that I dont watch, I will not use apostrophes in this blog...I feel they are the antichrist of grammar. I work for law enforcement, but dont mind if you break the law, I love working out and looking in the mirror and seeing that I still look like shit. I love white castle and Parliament Menthol Lights, I love the smell of my own shit, I like complaining about garbagemen, I love rambling, I love 1970's porn with women with nice full bushes. I love my dogs and try to be as good of a person as they think I am. I wish I was one of the Bang Bros but my penis is not up to standard. I hate taking meds but have to or else Ill go nuts...MAN. I wish I could smoke weed and eat donuts. My ultimate goal is not to work and live in a dog run....dont sleep on SI...SI do or die....the vinyl siding capital of the world! OK time to make the bed and feed my daughter and possibly order another stupid tee shirt.

XL